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Small Things Often

Michael Basta

Time continues to go by and I realize that it has been a long time since I have made a blog entry. Mindless of my failing commitment to this blog, I went away with my family to the mountains for a couple of days of eating, drinking, swimming, laughing and enjoying time together. We rented a home in which to stay and while doing the dishes in the kitchen I noticed the plaque (depicted in the above photo) that illustrates an important principle that stems from John Gottman's research on couples.

John Gottman and his research team noted that small moments in which one partner turns towards (rather than away from) their partner amount to deposits into an emotional bank account. For example, when one partner talks, the other listens, or when one partner expresses a concern, the other acts to meet their need. Over time, the deposits, stemming from these acts of turning towards, add up and can shift their relationship in a better trajectory. Hence, the Gottman's developed the motto "Small Things Often", meaning many small acts over time make a difference. These acts, done with knowledge of one's partner's needs, worries, hopes, and dreams will make a bigger difference over time. That is what "Do small things with great love" means to me. 

Happy Summer 2017, 

Michael Basta, LCSW, Sonoma Couples Workshops